It's taken me a long time to come to the place where I am. A place of peace about who I am and where I am in life. For a long time I struggled with always wanting and needing some type of a friendship or relationship in my life to fill a void of lonliness. I think alot of it stems from the fact that I'm without my family here in Lexington. I see my friends being able to see their parents, siblings, and other family members at any time. Thats not something I have the privledge of being able to do. I'm lucky if I see my family three times a year. And thats not the only contributing factor in the midst of all of this that plays a role in not wanting to be alone. God created woman so that man didn't have to be alone. It's biblical that companionship and the desire for it is in fact normal. But you can't let that make who you are as a person. It absolutely cannot define who you are. If it does, then you are simply putting your future into someone elses hands. You can't solely rely on friends or significant others to make who you are. It's something I've heard time and time again. It's the sermon you hear in church and you say "Thats the guy sitting next to me with that problem... NOT ME!" but in reality you have to accept that maybe that is you.
Over the past few months I've been so content in my relationship with the Lord. The more I am alone, the more I realize that I am not alone. That doesn't mean that I don't miss my family, I don't desire lasting friendships, or that I don't want to eventually be married to a Godly woman. But I am content in the things the Lord is doing in my life. I am content sitting alone in reflective prayer and meditation with the Lord instead of always doing something with someone. I am not planning or building or surrounding myself in expectation of someone else. I am going after the things I feel the Lord has before me. I am chasing the dreams I have in my heart. I am passionate about them and I am thankful that the Lord has brought me to the place I am at. I've definitely had my downfalls and struggles along the way.. The path to wisdom is not without the bumps and bruises and the hard lessons. But overall they help us become truely wise.
In the past few months the Lord has not only taught me to be content in my relationship with Him but also in being a steward with my money. Money is the topic that Jesus talked about most in his time on earth. I really used to blow this topic off and just say "It's my hard earned money, I'll be alright with my decisions with it." but it's important in understanding that being wise with your money is wisdom in itself. I've started a rough budget each time I'm paid and so far it's worked out pretty well.
I know that the road to know Christ better is one that is never ending. I'll never "be there." I'll never "know it all." because we serve a God that is limitless and is far beyond our minds. We are always learning. We are always growing. This is a season I have grown so much, and I am going to continue one step at a time.
