I started the month of January with a pep in my step. Things in life have been looking up. I have the job, the girl, a good living situation, a church I love attending, among many other things. This current season of life has been blessed to say the least, however, things can't stay that way forever.
On January 9th, my first born nephew, Branson Thayer passed away in his sleep.
Words cannot express the sadness and grief that this shock has caused myself and my family. I had just woken up when I got the call, I remember laying in my bed weeping. How could this happen? How could such a precious child be taken? Why? Why not me? These are simply a sample of the things that flew though my mind in the middle of this pain.
I remember sitting on my couch in a blur wondering if this was all just a dream. It wasn't.
I loaded up the car and started driving to Florida. A trip from Kentucky to Florida is about 14 hours depending on where you're going. An assortment of things swirled in my thoughts. Branson, my brother and his wife, and my desire to be with my family. I knew that I wanted to be close and serve them in any way I possibly could. I didn't want to just be another presence. I wanted to help. My time to grieve would come. Their time to grieve was right now.
The days flew by for me, although I don't think they did for my brother and sister in law. To them, it must have felt like a single day was a year without their precious boy. The visitiation and the celebration of his life came and went. Tears were shed and hugs were given. This boy was loved and the amount of people that came to honor his life, give support, and love on my family was absolutely amazing. God delivered helpers and people with hearts that reflected Christ by the boat loads.
I was afraid to leave Florida and return home. What if I still needed my family? What if they needed me? Doubt came over me like a rain cloud, but I think we all know deep down that we have to get used to the new normal. The new normal of not having that precious little boy with us anymore. It's tragic and sad what happened. None of us are likely to ever be the same people we once were, but the blessed assurance is that Branson is happier and healthier than we could ever dream. He is in heaven with the Lord. The beautiful thing is knowing that we will join him one day. He will run to us with a smile on his face, I can already hear his infectious giggle and feel his warm embrace.
It is true, to live is Christ to die is gain.